A relationship can be both beautiful and painful. We often forget the immense transformative power relationships have. For example, this becomes evident when we move in with our beloved. Suddenly, we spend much more time together and learn to know each other on a much deeper level. We must realize that this person has different preferences and desires that do not necessarily align with ours. Understanding that our partner has many different perspectives, the next phase is adjusting to each other’s needs. Therefore, making the relationship work requires determination, willingness, and acceptance. We can’t always live solely by our own desires.
Another point to consider is the repeating patterns present in many relationships. These are reoccurring programs of the soul acting out of its wounded and hurt self. For example, a woman might feel needy and require a lot of attention. She gives the man her full attention, but he is on his phone, ignoring her. This causes her pain and the feeling of rejection. This is the very pattern she needs to work on. She can’t wait for approval all day and lose herself in the process. Meanwhile, he feels annoyed and angry because she doesn’t let him do his own thing. This pattern can be a repeating loop. They need to find a middle ground and agree on what quality time means for both of them to create a deeper connection.
Another common trigger is aggression and dominance. A man comes home from work angry and stressed and takes it out on the woman. She tries to please him, losing her identity and what’s important to her. Boundaries need to be set to clarify what is a normal expectation and what stems from a wounded man/woman that should not be fulfilled to avoid enhancing reoccurring patterns that may have been passed down for generations. Balancing healthy influence and avoiding control or manipulation is challenging. In general, your gut instinct will tell you the truth if you allow yourself to accept it. Often the truth is right in front of us, but we are not willing to accept it and live with the consequences.
Another experience in relationships is falling into the parent-child pattern. One partner tries to control while the other acts as a rebel. Have you noticed this in your own relationship? Whatever your partner wants from you, you choose the opposite. It becomes a role play where you only care to oppose their opinion. If you observe yourself in such a pattern, stop and take a breath. Why am I acting like this? Is it what I really want, or am I just acting this way to deny? Often, there is a desire to be in control and make our own choices. The more control and force exerted on us as children, the more we push back, potentially leading to such patterns in adulthood. It’s a pattern of our wounded inner child, wanting to be seen, heard, and have our own identity.
The ultimate reminder is that living together and being in a relationship is often romanticized in the media and movies. In reality, it is a hard journey that requires both partners to be fully committed. There must be a greater benefit and support from staying together and walking the journey of life. Making such a decision is not easy. We must remember that we can’t change our identity and way of being for someone else. We can improve our actions, behaviors, and responses, but not the deep core of our being. If this is threatened and there is no compatibility, we must reconsider. On the other hand, can you see this other person in a more grateful state? Often, they are given as a mirror to reflect back to us and heal certain parts within. Are you willing to heal together? If so, it can be a magical springboard. Give more gratitude to your loved ones. Where there is friction, there is also growth and evolution together.
May you be blessed with great relationships and meaningful connections.
With love and light from the SpiritualApproach